quiet moments

(100% brightness folks) ((nye bringing out the writing vibes, 2 posts in a day wow)

This year saw the end of my stay in hall. Leaving it was such a bittersweet feeling not because of the people because..... Hall phantom hehe, (even tho I had the privilege of staying with an amazing friend) but really due to the special moments that really fed my wandering heart. 

Ntu becomes a magical place when the sun sets. Especially when it's 4 am and I am walking down a deserted street back to grab some sleep. It's cold enough to make you wish you had a pullover in your bag and it's so weirdly misty at night? 

In my head, I am dancing and twirling and running down the empty concrete pavements and overflowing onto the roads- dirty, orange lights illuminate the night, mist wafts through the air. There was a time we walked down the road to hall with a guitar, strumming and belching out songs as we marched on. I skipped; my heart was on fire, my senses tingling with excitement. These moments made me feel so alive. 

There were days of adventure. The fire we set up always had a way of burning into my soul. It made me warm. As we lay back and sang our hearts out (we always sang), we always managed to see the stars. The sky would stretch out beyond our peripherals. I remember always being so overwhelmed with awe. The night brought a gentle breeze and my eyes shifted to adjust in the darkness. It's like the world had suddenly fallen quiet and given its attention to the sky in all its majesty. In moments like this, I feel a smallness that makes me feel like exploding. (How is it that words fail me now?) suddenly I forget who I am and why I am here and it's just me, me and the sky, and the vastness of it all. On these cold, wintry nights, the weight of school melts away. These moments take me to places only dreams could ever. 

Towards the end of my stay there I started to spend time with God on the helipad in my hall. It was just a little roof on the fifth floor with two tables and a fluoroscent light on the wall that was always too bright. But the magic of it really was that it gave me an uninterrupted view of the sky. There were times that I spent hours on the roof with my mind completely blank. Sometimes I wonder if being this detached from life is healthy. But there were moments that it was just me and the breathlessness that comes from being free. Me and the sky. Me and the vastness, the bigness of everything above and beyond this little life. There was one night we stood on the tables and sang (again) and played the guitar for two hours (?). It felt as though we were going to fall off the roof half the time and freeze our fingers off while we're at it, but it was such a great night.  

Now that I'm staying at my gramps, things are different. I feel like I am waking up from these misty, dreamy nights that used to consume my heart. I have to get out of school at 11pm and I go to sleep at 12:30 because I need it. I cook and clean and wash and pack because at certain points, people need to grow up. I think I've pushed that back for the longest that I could. I'm proud of the person that I am and I have become from staying (more or less) alone. But that never stops me from aching for those nights again. 

Also, I really think that I romanticize many things and it's time to stop feeling so much but it's okay to indulge once in awhile hehe. (A huge shoutout to the two people who were a huge part of these adventures) 

Thank you 2015, you gave me moments that would fuel me for the rest of my life. And here's to always, always running towards the travel dream.