It's 4am and I'm feeling my heart pulse in the most violent way; It's knocking into my chest with every beat and I'm thinking to myself, if anyone were to touch me now they would literally feel the jumps on my skin.

I tried to fall asleep at 2, but I barely made an hour with my heart knocking against my chest like this. So I woke up and continued reading. Before I slept, I resolved in my heart that I was attempting to pursue my reading habits again; I found myself reading a book I bought 2 years ago but never found the time to touch. Now it's 4am and I am 20 pages from the end, willing myself to sleep so I wouldn't have to finish the book, but I'm still feeling the knocks and the jumps. 

And I'm thinking to myself, what a terrible way to feel alive. To be so rudely aware of my pulsing heart as it nudges into tired bones, tired flesh. I think I fell asleep on page 201. 

/

It's 11am the next day and I am up on a little adventure to the nature park nearby. I've never heard of it, and never even seen it until two weeks ago when we were driving past to get to a mall. Climbing through the paths, I was feeling my heart pound with every step I took, like the night before; but now in a fearful way because I was alone and in an excited way too, because I didn't know what to expect. All around me I see trees and I hear rustling of leaves, of creatures bouncing from tree to tree, branch to branch, crunching leaves under their tiny feet. At one point in time I saw two squirrels chasing one another and I think I laughed out loud. 

And then. When I saw it I was sure I shouted or gasped of some kind. Beyond the trees there stood a cliff or rock formation of some sort, it was huge and it was majestic, stretching high and wide as it sat on a body of water. I stumbled to the edge of the water and begun to take it all in. The thing about existing in moments like these is that there are so many things to absorb. I photograph and I photograph and I photograph. I read somewhere that to know what people are scared of losing, we need only look at their photographs. At that moment, this quote had never been more relevant. I documented so this moment wouldn't slip through my mind's fingers. After wandering around some more, I tore myself away from the park and left for home. 

/ 

I finished the last 20 pages in the weirdest of places. I dropped by a coffee shop on the way home and finished the book as I wolfed down lunch. It was between slurps of noodles that I slurped down these last pages. And it was in that coffee shop with people buzzing around me and the smell of food wafting through the air, that I found the perfect moment for a perfect ending. 

Safe to say, my first day into winter break has been pretty kickass so far.