Safe to say my body has finally given way to the weight of camp and that one faithful christmas performance; its 15 minutes into 6pm and I am on my second nap of the day- golden light pours into my room and I am feeling a pulsing discomfort in my throat and head.. Really sucks to be sick on the week of Christmas. 

/ 

Post-camp has been so different. This year's camp was so so different. I've never before left a camp knowing exactly what to do in every aspect of my life so I can breakthrough to the next level. Back in October, I felt God speak to me about maturity. What it means to mature. What it means to grow up in my emotions, in my spiritual life. This word 'maturity' kept resurfacing every where, in Instagram posts, in bible verses, in sermons.. But revelation cannot become reality if it doesn't move from the head to the heart. And so I sat on this word and did nothing for a good two months until one Friday of leaders lifegroup that one of our leaders shared on what it means to arise. Arise is an action. And something began to stir in my heart. 'Maturity'— this word, over and over again it began to stir in my heart but I still didn't know what it meant. Until camp. During the services God's word over my life began to unfold, but not yet. Not fully. I felt Him speaking to me about so many different aspects of my life. There was a point in time I was so tempted to be confused, to trust in that doubtful voice, that perhaps, God was not speaking to me at all. It was the morning after camp, that God brought so much clarity. The word 'maturity' summed up basically everything He was speaking to me about. He was speaking to me throughout the camp about what it means to grow up spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically even. And that's when He spoke right into my heart: 

'physical maturity happens with time but spiritual maturity happens with a decision.' 

This changes everything for me; spiritual maturity / breakthrough to the next level happens when I decide that I want it. When I can consciously choose Jesus 365 days a year. Now it sounds impossible.. But all things are possible with God. There is always a choice in every situation. Will I choose to grow up in this choice I am making? Or will I go back to who I used to be, babying around, being thrown back and forth by my emotions and desires of my flesh? 

God's word over my life in 2017 is to arise / to mature. To make every conscious decision to not stay down in this same pit that I've been stuck in for the past seasons. But to choose to get up and walk in the victory that Christ gave His life to give us. It's not going to be easy.. But it's going to be so worth it. There is a sweetness and a freedom in living within God's plans for me, I have tasted it and there is nothing in this world that compares to it. This is my life, that I may always give it over to Jesus, knowing that He has the best in store for me. 

I'm waiting on Him, for so many different things this new year. But in the waiting, I confess that He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. I confess that I will trust in the Lord my God with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He will direct my paths. I confess that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me. 

2017, let it be a year of even greater