Life has been stifling of late- my words have bottlenecked and I can't seem to find a space in my life to document them without feeling like I'm hurting someone or stripping a part of my clothing away to expose yet another part of me that can be poked and probed at. this is an uncomfortable part of my life. I have so many emotions I want to translate into words but all I can manage are very literal, direct sentences that do not invoke thought. They are bland and raw- leaving no after taste; it is nothing worth remembering. I will not write something that does not have anything to offer. Even in the texts that I craft to my closest friends, the words that come bursting through my lips to those whom I trust, they come forth as wet lumpy sand on a cold rainy morning- uninteresting and soon-to-be neglected.

It seems though, that this season is teaching me that emotional freedom comes from God alone. Even when I can't find the right words to say, He knows my heart. Even when I ache with desire and wrestle with obedience, He is there for me. I will never be able to fathom this relationship we have, yet I am nevertheless thankful. This is a tiring season for me; I am worn out. My bones are parched and empty. But my King holds out a horn filled with new oil over my head and pours gently. As it runs from the tip of my head across my face, I close my eyes, hold my breath and gasp loudly. I am breathing in new air that cleanses my lungs. As new oil flows down my skin, my skin tingles with excitement. And when it finally hits the floor, my heart bursts with song.

I don't know why I even waited this long. This is all I ever wanted; this is everything I've ever needed.