Maybe Paul also asked the same thing. 'God if you had shown up earlier, I wouldn't have killed so many of my brothers and sisters.' / 'why didn't you just tell me from the beginning that this is who you are?' But oh Lord, even as I meditate on it, I can see why You allowed for Paul to disobey You and run towards his own agenda, causing damage everywhere. Lord, You allowed him to continue so you might teach him grace, so he will always be humble as he remembers his past. So will I be like Paul lord, I'm not going to blame You for not showing up fast enough. Lord, I'm going to embrace it. And trust that as the prophecy said, every experience, for Your glory. I'm going to trust that when I look back, it's going to teach me mercy. It's going to teach me grace. It's going to teach me self discipline. It's going to hurt me, but it's going to give me strength to persevere through tough times in future. Lord thank You for this painful lesson. I pray, now it is time for me to serve You. Let me serve You with vigor, let me serve You with passion. Let me serve You with fire.