you want someone to want you

you want someone to make a great deal out of the parts you wish you had. you want someone to love you for who you think you ought to be- gentle, fleeting, mysterious. you want someone to love you for the flowers in your soul that you bought from the florist down the street- flowers that don't even grow in your climate. you want someone to tell you that they love you because you are different from the other girls. you have the cutest laugh. everyone wants to be around you because you're such a bundle of joy. you always know what to say. you look amazing so effortlessly. you have such a kind heart.
sadly, you are not all of those things. you are obnoxious and loud. and sometimes when you don't hold it in, you are rude. you are that kind of girl that other girls don't want to hang around. and when you are alone, you think about how they can love you better. you are sharp and too observant. you are too fat to fit into the pair of pants you deliberately bought two sizes too small.
but you are also deeply beautiful. the kind that makes people close their eyes and think about. the kind that makes boys want to become men so that they can protect. the kind that makes him want to reach out to hold you because you are so broken yet so, so brave.

why do you need someone to hold you so that you can be warm? start a fire where you're at with sticks and stones that have broken your bones. let it burn big and let it burn bright. dance like nobody's watching, sing like nobody's listening, so that when love finally arrives, it will arrive not to save you from the cold or sing you a love song or teach you how to dance. it will arrive so he can waltz you into the next season of your life; it will arrive so he can bring a tune to your words. it will arrive so that he can offer to bring hot chocolate, board games and a jokes book the next time he comes by the fire.