food for thought

"Whatever that cannot be said will be wept." 

This makes me pause to wonder about what it means to express myself- or rather, what expression actually means to the human soul? Have you actually given it thought? When we are happy, we break out into a grin; we clap our hands and manage a happy dance. When you're angry you kick down chairs and smash lamps against walls. You punch something. 

When I feel a lot, I throw myself into my own arms. I dive into an abyss of me-ness. It is a dark pit that tumbles in circles. It isn't a pleasant place. Yet, I find myself stumbling around to find light. And I find myself sketching, I find myself delving into books, I find myself journalling my thoughts out on pages and pages. Some efforts lead deeper into the darkness and some efforts draw me further away from myself. I sometimes feel as though my head and my heart are two separate entities. But there are somedays, that somewhere, something breaks, like a thin piece of paper. The sound of a clear and crisp tear of a cloth. And suddenly at this pinpoint of a moment, my mind and my heart will seem to have crossed paths again. Like the shaded portions of a Venn diagram. It is not as bleak as I have managed to describe it so far. It is a catharsis in ways that I know how. Like the bleeding of watercolors across paper. Finding ways to express myself has become something so second nature to my subconscious. Like the way you reach for your glasses in the morning. Maybe even the way I reach for your hand every time we come close. It is a safe house, a place to go. And I'm thinking, yea why not? It seems only logical that as beautifully complex as we were created to be, we would overflow with the need to express ourselves where words fail. 

Today I looked up into the sky and I saw streaks of orange, yellow and red hewn across the sky. And I wondered to myself, if this is the way God expresses Himself too? When He looks down at us, at me, when He overflows with love and with joy, does he too, pick up a paintbrush and throw colors onto His canvas? Does He reach out to hang twinkling stars in the sky? Does He play the harp and the lyre and sing songs? songs He wrote about us? What a wonderful, wonderful thought that as we are made in His likeness, He is as we are and more. When everything there is to be said has been said in the Word, it is amazing to think that God would still burst at the seams with love and adoration for man in ways unfathomable. What a wonderful thought.