i don't know why i have waited so long to write to you. actually, i don't know why writing to you has never crossed my mind. you are miles from where i am, but i have never felt that way. your words feel like sparks of fire in the swallowing darkness and you give me hope that the ways to achieve my dreams will always be found in myself.
i stumbled upon your site one dreary school day after lunch- my bestfriend came up to me and told me your story as we were heading back into the classroom. that day, we spent the rest of remedial lessons huddled over a small iPod screen (there wasn't 3G then), scrolling through pages and pages of your heart poured out in words and photographs. alba was only a blossoming flower in you and you and m travelled all around europe in a dreamy haze. it's been four years and with every single post you continue to ravish my heart. you continue to cause my heart to swell. when i feel uninspired, i open your page and read it from the first post to the last. i can't remember just how many times i have done that. nirrmi, you have the ability to make me feel my heart pulse inside my chest. you make me want to believe that by being absolutely who i am, i can be my own kind of beautiful that the world will grow to love. most of all, you teach me that being vulnerable is being brave.. that this world could use a little bit of warmth; a small candle burns with brilliant light in a dark room.
watching alba grow has been one of the most magical things the internet world has given to me. you teach alba things i would teach my own child. and i think it is safe to say that alba has blossomed into the beauty you have believed in her to be even before she was born. you teach me that motherhood is a privilege and that love is poetic (heck, you teach me that life itself can be so poetic) you wrote her love letters even before she knew how to read. i will never love anything the same since i have felt the way you have loved.
you are the cause for and the anchor to my travel dream. I feel sad to say that sometimes because of the life you live- i will never be satisfied with life in the city. some part of me comes alive in living your life through photographs. and perhaps some part of me knows i will really only be whole when I have the chance to walk bare feet on city pavements and chase light across 2 continents in 3 days. I will sleep on the lawn with the picnic mat stretched out big enough for myself and Charlie and I will dance on the mattress we have placed at the fireplace of a stranger's home. I will have the courage to find a nest in every city I set foot in and believe in the heart of every person I see.
dear nirrimi, I wish you well- good health and fire in your bones that will burn for the rest of your days. you teach me that one person can be a light for many. I pray that you find that one person that can be a light for you. be absolutely who you are and love the way you do. you are that kind of star that people see once and never forget, your light lingers and gives hope even after the sun rises and the magic of the night is gone. with all my heart, I wish you well.
from one stranger to another,
xx
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