Been thinking a lot lately of what it means to have faith despite of our circumstances. A couple of months ago God spoke to me about this and I've always felt the weight of His Words— it just surprises me (or not really) that it is still so loud and so clear today. I was finding it so hard to focus on ministry back then because of how turbulent my personal life has been, emotions were all over the place... There truly has never been a more difficult time. And I think that many a times, it's so tempting to spend the amount of time I have with the Lord, to seek God about my own personal breakthroughs instead of praying for what He wants to see breakthrough in; to walk around, moping about how difficult things are for me and putting off everything else. Until one night He said to me, "xi, there will come a day that I would have delivered you from your circumstances and you would be set free (because this is what I do), but because of your distracted heart, you would have lost all of your sheep, all of your fruits, because you sought after victory in that one aspect of your life that I have already won and let go of everything else I have placed in your hands."
When I received that word it tore me apart and I realised this one truth, and that is: in walking with God, I serve Him 'despite of'. When I am tired and weary, i serve Him despite of that lethargy. When I am shaking because I am so afraid of everything that can go wrong when I'm leading worship, I lead despite of my fear. When I am frustrated at people, I love despite of my emotions. When I am discouraged, I encourage others despite of myself. I think that this is truly what it means in Galatians 2:20, that no longer I, but Christ lives in me.
To you, feeling like you're expelled from ministry or disqualified from serving God just because you're struggling with something / to you, feeling like you need to sort things out before you can continue / to you, feeling afraid, feeling inadequate, feeling the weight of everything:
let's serve despite of.
The truth is that when we're so consumed with our own struggles, we forget that perhaps God has placed a life in our paths, that we can touch and turn around completely for Jesus. The truth is that the death that Jesus won on that cross is bigger than the sins you are struggling with, the truth is that His forgiveness washes over every mistake, the truth is that He never lets go of us, He will always hold us up, till the very end.
The truth is: when we serve despite of our pain, when we serve despite of fear, despite of sin, beautiful things burst forth. The truth is that we find that we begin to grow less myopic, less pessimistic, more focused on the cross and the work that has to be done. And most of all, we understand fully the grace of our Lord Jesus, that even when we are imperfect, He still uses us to do wonderful things.
Dear warrior, let's continue to serve despite of. May God give this generation a focus like never before, where we learn painfully but beautifully to set down our struggles to run towards our destinies. Let beautiful things burst forth and begin.
No comments:
Post a Comment